They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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