There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
