Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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