weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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