He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You made out with two different species that night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
