so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
