I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
