Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you will always have a special place in my vag
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
