allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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