She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just had sex bonerless
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
