I looked at my own cervix.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
