This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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