You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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