***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
