areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
