If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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