Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
