the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
