I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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