I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
