so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
