It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
