I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
