I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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