She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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