I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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