Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
