it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
