What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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