this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
