wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Two words: blizzard sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
