What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
