went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
