last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
