He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
