youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
