Swine flu. Run for my life!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
