I can tuck mytits in my pants
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
