soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
