anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
