He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
