I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
