remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
