he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
