Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
wow bdsm is so cute
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
