If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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