I just made out with a guy for $7.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
bring money and cleavage
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How external is "for external use only"?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
