I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
