I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
