I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
