im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
