can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
