got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
