He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
