We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
