Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
