i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
