i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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