So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
