I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sobbing to NWA
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
